


Trepidation

by reikis



Series: Melody of the Reminiscing Star [8]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21641533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reikis/pseuds/reikis
Summary: No longer he could doubt himself. This was his decision and it was his alone.
Relationships: Elidibus/Solus zos Galvus | Emet-Selch
Series: Melody of the Reminiscing Star [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1540690
Kudos: 11





	Trepidation

It was dark.

There was nothing. It was nothingness itself.

Hades found himself drifting through the abyss. It seemed to stretch into eternity, never-ending and unrelenting. And like stars of the night sky, small lights ignited in his view and encircled him. He slowly breathed in, feeling the aether flow into the previous void, giving it life and lighting before him.

He reached a hand out into the space, staring loosely at his bare hand as it extended past his black robes. He winced, feeling the aether darken and circle him. He let a pained murmur as the Darkness – as he pieced it out from the aether now – wrapped itself around him and trapped him in place. He groaned as it pushed into his form and creeped up his neck before tightening itself.

“P-Please...” he managed as the Darkness flooded into him. He kept his hand extended as the pain forced tears out of his eyes.

**_“Hades.”_ **

His eyes widened at the sound that echoed through him.

**_“Thou hast been most unfaithful.”_ **

“I...” he stopped and fell to his knees, body giving out from the stress of the Darkness flooding into him. He wrapped his arms around his chest as to fight it off, focusing his weakening aether in fruitless self-defense. He forced his hand into the air as it felt he was drowning in the Darkness.

“E... Eli... dibus...” he choked out.

**_“You would call the name of my vessel?”_ **

Hades urged himself to his feet once more in anger and leaned over but kept his form still. He stared into the darkness, gold eyes shining through it. He clutched at his chest with both hands and took a heavy step forward.

“He doesn’t belong to you...” he let out, legs trembling beneath him. “nor do I...” He stopped and stared ahead into the dark.

**_“You would ruin all you and yours have set in motion?”_ **

“For him, I would,” Hades finally gave a small smirk in defiance. “I would throw our star away for his freedom.”

**_“You would make a decision that is not your own.”_ **

He felt a low, disgruntled murmur in the air and narrowed his eyes as a white blur took shape in front of him. The adornments of Elidibus’s garb took shape as did the sharp red mask he wore. Hades straightened his posture and glared through the figure as it held out its talons.

“What a pale imitation!” he bellowed, hiding a cackle behind his scrunched face. “You think me so far gone I could not trace aether!?” He finally lowered his hands and balled them into fists at his sides. “You know nothing about him.”

**_“Prove to me your conviction then, Hades.”_ **

Hades lowered his eyes with distrust.

**_“Prove thine will and put halt to the Darkness in his heart.”_ **

* * *

That vision hadn’t left Hades, the thought of Zodiark hurting Elidibus further haunting him. What more did He want from them? Hades’s undying allegiance to Him? Elidibus to be a good little, unyielding vessel of Darkness? Why would He suddenly forgive either of them if he could remove Elidibus’s Darkness? What about himself? He felt cornered and quickly running out of options.

He somewhat ignored the music filling the room, the Emissary putting use to his hands. He frowned, having not told him about what he had seen with their lord. He was even unsure if Elidibus was aware. Part of him imagined he would be given his relationship to Zodiark.

He bit his lip anxiously.

**_“You would make a decision that is not your own.”_ **

What choice did he have? Surely, Zodiark had known about his apprehension with such a monumental decision. Throw away everything they had worked eons for? What _would_ Elidibus or Lahabrea think? The lesser?

No, no...

It didn’t matter.

What point would there be in in seeing their revived star if neither was there? If Elidibus were to fall, Lahabrea would surely be His next target, no matter how detached he may be now. Or Hades himself.

No, no, no, no.

Hades had to stop this now. He had to toss away notions that this was not his decision. He was so exhausted of throwing things away – throwing others away – for a helpless goal–

A helpless goal.

He curled up against Elidibus, his mind racing. He felt the slow beat of his heart even where he sat against the plain cloth covering his shoulders. He closed his eyes, allowing himself just a bit of space to breath as he let his music in. The quiet melody soothed him, caressing him as if a babe. His lips shuddered, fighting back his own thoughts.

No.

No, no.

_No, no, no._

His chest felt tight, his breath hitched.

This would not be a repeat of His or Her summonings. He only had so much left in the world – No, he only had so little left in the world.

They were all he had left and one had drifted so far away.

It was all he had.

It felt like the world had come crashing down around him all over again.

He wasn’t going to lose Elidibus again.

Not again, never again, never ever. Not if his soul still held this weakest of beats, the most fragile of flames–

He would protect the ones he loved. He wasn’t going to fail again.

He was given the ability to doubt himself – doubt Zodiark, even – but he was also given the ability to consider all he had done. He had been given just the smallest of freedoms by Elidibus and he would not let his chance die in vain.

It was the only chance he had left. The choice to save _him_.

 _That_ was his decision to make.

Hades fidgeted in his seat next to Elidibus, hands in his lap. The Emissary ran his trained hands up and down the piano keys, a light tap here and a held note there, as his aether stirred within. Uneasy, Elidibus felt his fingers faltering, failing to keep with his previously established rhythm, and crashed his hands into the elegant keys, mustering what felt like a growl from the instrument.

Hades moved immediately, feeling his aether churn within itself. He had been watching it as he played instead of following the music he had been garnering from the piano. It was wild, almost uncontrollable, for him and certainly putting pressure on his soul. He reached his arms around Elidibus, holding him tight as he continued to study his aether. His eyes widened, opening the full ability of aetheric senses, as the swirl of Elidibus’s light purple _cracked_.

Elidibus pushed himself out of Hades’s grasp and stood from the piano bench before falling to his knees. He stared at his palms, darkness creeping into the corners of his vision. His body shook violently and fell forward onto a palm, raising the other over his mouth. He coughed into it like he would hack a lung up, jerking with each cough.

Hades leaned next to him, resting a hand over his back, as he continued to watch his aether. His heart sank, watching the Darkness within him pound against his very soul, further inching itself closer and closer to his core. It swelled within him and threatened to shove out Elidibus himself. Hades blinked, looking down and finding Elidibus was coughing up a black substance, thick liquid sliding to the floor from between his lithe fingers. He quivered and fell into Hades’s arms.

He felt miserable.

He was losing control of himself. His body wasn’t responding to his desperate commands. It burned his entire being, the Darkness clawing its way out of him while consuming his insides. It hurt so much, as if someone stabbed him and just kept going. His form contorted in Hades’s arms, squirming about.

Hades held Elidibus tight and closed his eyes, tracing the pattern in the invading aether. He watched it jerk about inside him, Elidibus coughing with each twang at his own. He gritted his teeth as he felt Elidibus’s core crack, watching the fractures extend outward. He squeezed him in his grasp as the Emissary let out a scream with his very soul snapping.

Hades’s expression tightened as he searched the very depths of his knowledge, fiercely searching for a means to help him. He breathed in, steadying himself, and lowered Elidibus to the ground as he panted, physical vessel practically giving up. He dove down and grabbed Elidibus’s hands, the latter staring past hazy eyes and messy hair.

“I will save you...” Hades croaked out. “After all you have given me...” He fought against lesser thoughts, leaned closer to the white-haired man. “You returned to me my life... allow me to do the same,” he whispered, resting his lips on Elidibus’s.

* * *

Hades drifted in the despair, body listing side to side in the abyss once more. However, this time, he held a fist and stared at his calloused fingers. He shook his head, two-toned locks jumping side to side, and dove deep into the Darkness.

His body ached as he came closer to its center, it overwhelming his senses. He held a hand against an ear and charged further despite himself.

_It was his only chance._

Even with his abilities, he still had loose control over his inner-most powers and binding their souls in such a way would damage both of them permanently if he lingered.

It crashed into him like the relentless ocean’s waves. It tore at him, trying to push him back as best it could, and assaulted his own soul. He felt it scrape at his core, threatening and clawing at a way inside his well-protected self. He steeled himself and tore through the Darkness, pushing it away.

But it fell into him once more. He let out a heart wrenching wail, grabbing at his locks. It was suffocating, flooding into him. He raised a trembling arm and threw it to the side as to slice through it. He was taken aback, breathing in, and steadied his soul. He braced his arms over his head as it returned with a renewed aggression.

_“Just promise me you will live through all this as well.”_

_“I love you.”_

His fear wasn’t a hindrance. He made mistakes like everyone else. Just... really big, horrible mistakes that ended up costing a lot of lives. The people of this world or its reflections would never forgive him if they knew the truth of their existence. But, had _they_ really doubted him?

What would had anyone else done in his position?

He was so reluctant to face anyone for so long. He shoved them off, not allowing the Light into his long-entrenched heart. He fought against the storm for so long until his very soul would break.

This was all his fault in the first place. The very least he could do was protect one of the only people he had left on this forsaken star.

No, his hesitation reminded him he was alive.

He was still here for a reason.

He was _still alive_.

_He was still alive._

**_He was still alive._ **

He gathered himself and would split the Darkness – that almost all-too metaphorical cage of his own misery that smothered him all these eons.

No, he needed not to worry about completely annihilating Zodiark’s influence. His influence over him didn’t matter.

He just needed to save _him._

He dove as far as he could into the sinking Darkness, losing himself in Elidibus’s soul. He reached out until a warmth welcomed him with its embrace. He closed his eyes, allowing it to hold him. He held his hands together in the air, slivers of Light surrounding him.

To think She had casted effect over him.

To think he had been blind so long.

The balance of all things.

With Darkness, there was Light.

He would embrace them alike. This was never a matter eliminating one or the other. He gathered the Light and Dark within him alike, allowing the two to clash within him. He held his hands tight over his chest, the heat spreading throughout him.

An emotion budded within him:

Love.

For what he had given up.

For what he had left.

For _who_ he had left.

_For who he could still save._

He spread his arms out as if to share the emotion.

He would share it to him.

The man he sold their star for.

The man that would stay by his side.

The man that introduced him to music.

The man that had brought him back from the very brink.

The man that taught him to _**live**._

* * *

Elidibus cracked his eyes, meeting the darkness of the room but found them focusing on the gold staring down at him. His eyes fluttered, vision coming through to rest over those bright eyes.

Ah, when did such life return to him?

Hades was smiling. No smirk, no betrayal, no sarcasm.

He was merely thankful for what he still had.

Elidibus forced himself up and felt Hades rest a hand under him to hold him up. The brunette was clearly fighting himself as Elidibus blinked and gave a small smile. He held a hand over his chest, feeling the stress – the fracturing – over his soul fading. There was still sensation of dread settling within him but it felt so weak compared to before.

No, right now he had Hades. He was still here. The both of them were still here.

That’s what mattered.

“Hades...” he finally managed, leaning into the taller man with a grateful smile. “Even I had... not foreseen this...”

“Who would I have to play piano with had you left me all alone?”

Elidibus grinned despite himself and pulled himself up to kiss Hades. He nuzzled against the blushing man, moving to hug him, almost lost in his embrace.

“Thank you for everything.”

“Stealing lines, are we?”


End file.
